Going Public

I'm going to jump around in time a bit in these blogs and talk about whatever it happens to be that I'm currently wrestling with or enamored by.

Today, it's the Public Edit at Bloomsbury Publishing (https://www.writersandartists.co.uk/events/the-national-academy-of-writing-public-edit-emma-healey).

The gist is, you submit a piece of work in advance into a lottery. Two pieces are then selected, to be projected for all to see, whilst the writer, Richard Beard, runs a fine tooth comb through line by precious line.

Later, a successful author takes you through their writing process - and a interesting one this month - the London underground sang of little else for much of last year - Emma Healy - Author of Elizabeth is Missing.

The bit that has me in self-doubting knots is the submission. On the one hand, what a fantastic opportunity for a writer who's decided that they really need to hear it, who has readied themselves for the strike - what's horrific? What's cliche? Where is the rot? Then hopefully, somewhere amongst all of the criticism, where am I shining?

There's a bit of me that's not convinced I am prepared, and especially not if there's nothing salvageable. Isn't that the very reason I've been shying away from writing for the past few years, buoying my idea of myself as a writer on a few measly publications in my much younger days?

What if the already weak flame of my belief is extinguished right there in that room, for all to witness? What if after all of this talk, I really am intended for admin and supporting the much more tangible dreams of others?

And breathe.

Or you know, I could just be a coward and fail to submit anything, sit back in the crowd, and continue as I have for so long now, completely without effort.

I'm not going to let that happen.

Why? Because I'm proud of this novel, I know I have a lot to learn, and I really am, thoroughly dissatisfied with the idea that performing admin is the best of me.

There's a lot of things which have helped me float up to this confidence recently - all of which I'll be mulling over in future blogs.

Even if the licking of wounds is required, I'm going to submit the first chapter of my novel and ready myself. I've seen Richard Beard in action and he's brilliant; after a while of listening to his thought process as he's reviewing the text, you find yourself swept up, suddenly able to see the flaws for yourself.

Sure, having your own work stripped naked in front of strangers might not be pleasant, but it is necessary, helpful and ultimately worthwhile, even if you disagree with a few points here and there. Hopefully I still believe this after the fact.

Wish me luck.